I first became sober curious in 2012. At that time, there was no sober curious movement, no term for it, and the alcohol-free drinks market didn’t exist (other than Beck’s Blue). The Dry January challenge hadn’t emerged, so there was no social proof, no community, and little visible support or alcohol prevention outside of crisis intervention. I felt alone.
From 2013 to 2015, I tried taking breaks from alcohol, drinking only a handful of times in that period. But ‘sober shaming’ and peer pressure made it difficult to stay alcohol-free for longer than I’d have liked.
In 2015, I was sober shamed during a night out and told ‘All this no drinking, it needs to stop. You need to knock this on the head.’ That moment pushed me to commit to a one-year alcohol-free challenge. I was nervous about abstaining forever because of stigma. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life explaining why I wasn’t drinking. I needed time and perspective to understand my relationship with alcohol. After completing my first year, I extended my alcohol-free challenge by another year and then decided to commit to lifelong abstinence.
One of the hardest parts of participating in the Dry January challenge – or any alcohol-free journey – isn’t just exploring our own relationship with alcohol, but dealing with how others react. If we haven’t had a rock bottom moment or accessed treatment, it can be challenging to explain why we want to stop drinking.
Over the years, I’ve often heard, ‘You don’t have a problem, so why stop?’ Many still view drinking on an outdated spectrum – either you’re fine or you’ve lost control – the mentality of drink as much as you can (as long as you don’t hit rock bottom). But the reality is, alcohol affects us all differently. It’s not about how much we drink, but how it affects us.
Sadly, stigma exists in two forms when it comes to alcohol – one for those who have been in crisis or sought help, and another for those who choose not to drink. The judgment of not managing a relationship with alcohol or ‘failing’ to stay in control is where individuals can be labelled and exposed to exclusion and judgment. When we choose not to drink by preference, we face a different kind of stigma – sober shaming, as well as exclusion and judgement. In my experience, the less of a ‘problem’ it seems to others, the more we’ll be questioned on our decision to quit.
Both types of stigma are harmful, and create barriers to people seeking support or making positive changes to their relationship with alcohol, no matter the reason.
In a community poll for our sober collective Arclett, stigma was voted as a bigger barrier to becoming alcohol-free than cravings, showing just how powerful and damaging stigma can be. People can stop or reduce their drinking, but choose not to because they’re worried about the spotlight it shines on them.
Around 200,000 people took part in the Dry January challenge this year, adding social proof for those looking to pause, stop, or improve their relationship with alcohol. But sadly the choice to be alcohol-free still carries stigma. Once the one-month challenge ends, we’re often back to explaining why we don’t drink – because alcohol remains the only drug in the world we have to justify not using.
To highlight the growing social proof, the Dry January challenge, which started in 2013 (with just 4,000 participants), saw over 175,000 participants in 2023. It’s amazing to see how much the conversation around choosing not to drink has evolved, and how much more accessible it is for those curious about life without alcohol.
There’s still work to be done, but I believe we’re heading in the right direction. The goal isn’t to live in a society where alcohol doesn’t exist, just where we don’t have to justify why we’re not drinking, and where there are fewer alcohol harms.
I am not anti-alcohol, I am pro-choice, and at Arclett we’re committed to reducing the stigma surrounding an alcohol-free lifestyle. By normalising sobriety, we create more space for healthier choices and make it easier for people to seek support when they need it.
Scott Woolley is founder of Arclett. Find out more here
Scott’s story is featured by the Anti Stigma Network (ASN). Get involved to tackle stigma, share resources and join a growing network that’s driving change.